On a chilly Tuesday in January, I find myself sat in a bland room at Leicester University on a training course for work. Suddenly I realise that I’ve drifted off, I’m no longer listening to what the trainer is saying, instead I’m thinking about what I’m going to eat on the train on the way home. My mind is even wondering past the journey and into dinner territory, pondering on the contents of my fridge and kitchen cupboards.
But as I wonder all this, I’m not hungry – far from it – I’ve just stuffed my face with the complimentary buffet lunch which consisted of the bog-standard triangle sarnies, vegetables sticks and deep-fried samosas. Not the most lavish of feasts, but it was free so naturally I piled my plate high. It was an early lunch, too and it’s only a few hours since I enjoyed a hearty cooked breakfast at the hotel. It was an all-you-can-eat selection, so not only did I fill my boots with the traditional greasy full English, I also grabbed back-up supplies of chocolate muffins and some of those mini pots of jam. Well what can I say? Waste not want not!
As I waddle out of the restaurant with my pockets bulging, my poor colleague who is joining me on the course is mortified and tries desperately to pretend that she doesn’t know me. She is aware of my New Year mission though and despite doing a pig grunt impression across the office when I tuck into yet more food, she is supportive of my attempts to eat more. She even took the lovely picture of my ‘Chunky fish’ dinner last night, which certainly lived up to its name. Paying with the boss’s credit card, we washed our grub down with a bottle of dry white wine, which might explain my inability to concentrate today…
So, it’s safe to say that my ‘bulking up’ mission has started well, partly thanks to my lovely boyfriend. He has agreed to help with my calorie increasing cause and over recent weeks, our meals together have included various takeaways and his own recipe, a mountain of carb-overload tortellini with a good helping of grated cheese on top.
It’s not all been unhealthy stodge, though. Despite my desire to pile on the pounds, I just can’t eat a continuous raft of convenience food. My body craves something more homely or healthy, like the occasional salad, soup or sarnie.
This doesn’t seem to have set my project back thankfully, and I can happily report that since starting on my pigging-out quest, I’ve put on a HUGE three and a half pounds. I know, shocking!
That is quite good for me though. The fact that the numbers are going up instead of down is a fantastic start! I couldn’t say where the measly three pounds have gone though. I still feel and look the same: bony shoulders and arms like Popeye’s girlfriend Oilve Oil! I know, I’m painting a gorgeous picture of myself…
I’m determined not to give up and help is at hand from my afore mentioned other half, who luckily shares my love of most things edible and is also very generous. Over the next few weeks we’ve got dinners-out and other food related activities planned – I don’t think I need to explain what the whipped cream and chocolate buttons are for…
But before all that, I’ve got a trip ‘up north’ planned, so there’ll be all manner of scoffing opportunities there. Back to the Motherland where pies, hotpot and chips and gravy are staple meals. Staying with my Mum will also boost the calorie intake as she does what all Mums do – offers a range of snacks, meals and puddings at every given opportunity.
So with a bit of luck, my next blog will report at least a further three pound weight gain, if not more.